How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
