I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
