You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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