fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
