that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
