hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it glows. i had to have it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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