Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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