OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
