For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
