I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
