in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
