would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
