At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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