You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
