Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
