Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
