speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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