Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
