dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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