I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The beer is more important than you right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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