i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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