the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
