He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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