sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
