We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
