I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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