??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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