Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
