listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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