I cannot find my penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
