Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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