I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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