I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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