Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
