My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
