i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
