a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize