this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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