It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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