what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
