Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
