I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
