I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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