The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
