I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
