I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
