I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
