He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
