He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
