What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
