ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
