Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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