i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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